For those of you who didn't know by the billion pictures posted...I got the beautiful privilege of helping lead a group of students from my old high school ministry to Orange Walk, Belize on their mission trip! The trip was full of challenges. Our schedule usually consisted of the following: in the mornings, my team (approximately 27 of us altogether) split up into mini teams and assisted very poor families from the church we partnered with, which included re-building parts of rotten houses, building new showers, building part of the church itself (as it was just a frame of bricks), and the like. We would have a quick lunch (which usually had a Habanero pepper challenge in it, where some of our team members would eat part or all of the peppers, and try to last the longest without water...TERRIBLE IDEA), and then return to the school we stayed at. The school was called Pal Mar School, and the children that attended were an absolute joy to work with. We ran a Vacation Bible School of sorts with all the children, the guys playing sports like soccer and basketball, and periodically sharing Jesus with the kids through testimonies, and the girls played and did crafts with the kids, while also sharing the good news of Jesus. One of the days, I would argue nothing less than a tropical rainstorm came upon us (as we were staying basically in the jungle of central america), and we were having too much fun playing in the rain. However, it became a danger to be outside, so we all ushered the students back into their classrooms. I got to spontaneous opportunity to teach a hip hop dance class to some of the students who heard I was a dancer, which was so much fun! Overall, the children's joy and seeing their sweet, sweet faces light up when they saw us was one of my favorite things. Lord, I pray that you restore that joy that my heart is thirsty for! We also did a ton of street visits, which basically involved a group of us walking up to random people we saw, talking to them, getting to know them, talking about Christ with them, and praying for them. Seeing how thankful people were to even know we care about them really penetrated my heart. It is so sweet to see people with such gratitude for one another.
As a whole, the trip was very humbling. Seeing a group of high schoolers love each other so deeply is not only extremely rare, but it is extremely encouraging. I wish that to transfer throughout all the areas of my life where I am involved in community, and work truly on loving everyone deeply, even those I deem "unlovable." Of course, seeing how little people survive with, and yet how generous they are made me really, really observe how I steward my finances. I do not need new clothes, new shoes, new anything. I have so much and need to use my money to help hurting people wherever I am. Using it for my own selfish needs gets me absolutely no where. But most of all, I am thankful for the beauty that I was exposed to. Not only was I brought to tears at how freaking beautiful these children were and how they loved Jesus so effortlessly, but simply the country itself and the Belizean people! Their humble, simple lifestyles were some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. One experience that stuck my heart clearly: I was standing out on the ocean on the last morning (about 6 AM), waiting for our water taxi to come and fetch us to ferry us back to the airport, where we would trek home. It was cloudy, overcast, windy, and eerily quiet. I could see no one or nothing as far as I could see out on the water. I was standing out on the pier praying for my day, and I remember saying something to the effect of: "Thank you for showing me such beauty that I have never experienced before, Father." Right as I spoke those words, the clouds to the upper left of my head parted, and a beam of sunlight came blazing down and rested right at my feet on the very tip of this deck, illuminating the crystal clear water beneath my feet. I smiled and new my Heavenly Father was with me.
As my summer has gone along, one thing that I keep wrestling with in my mind is letting the Gospel penetrate my heart like it ought. I have found that logistically, I understand the Gospel. I can tell anyone why Christ died for us, and all the details that follow. However much my brain understands, I don't think my heart does. I think if I let what Jesus did penetrate my heart like it should, I would be overflowing with joy (or a lot more than I have been). Instead of meditating on the fact that I do not deserve His love, grace, and what have you, I must force myself to be grateful and thankful. This is not an easy task for me, but I've found that thankfulness blasts apart any and every selfish ambition that may lurk in the contents of my heart and mind.
Although I heave endless amounts of corruption into my lungs on the daily, the one and only thing that pushes me forward is the mercy that has been showered on me. I am a wicked and wretched creature, but I am forgiven, I need only ask. Thank you, Father, for giving me daily what I do not deserve. You give me the purest life that will ever exist. " For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." -Psalm 103:11-13.
My Father makes my heart beat faster than I ever could.
