Jagged Pieces for a Whole Puzzle

Why. Why is this happening. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY.

I am honest. I am truthful. I cut to the point quite often. I don't dance around the answer. 

I have this clear cut mentality I think more often than I should. When I think of what I deserve...what DO I deserve? Nothing. Jesus died for me. Did I do anything to deserve this? No. Am I still a sinner? Yes. So, if I continue to do things that hurt my Father, why would he give me grace? Why would He choose to rescue me when all I do is continually abuse that grace He gives me? 

Wait, stop dear child. WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING WHY GOD DOES THE THINGS HE DOES.

I question things too often, that I begin to forget why He loves me. 

Do you not know just how powerful He is? Is it really necessary for you to know why God works in the ways He does, or His reasoning for his actions? Of course not. Isaiah 55 says His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He is such a mysterious creature. This is the beauty of the Lord, yes? We don't need to know why He does the things He does. We don't need to forecast our future. The future is as misty a fog as will ever be, and it will remain that way. We have today. We don't have tomorrow yet. Utilize that to your advantage. 

These past couple weeks have been embedded with unexpected blessing. Pain brings out the best, but only if you let it. Don't resist pain. You have no clue what can come about in your life if you let go. Through all kinds of strife that have been hitting me like a ton of bricks, I continually see Jesus. He uses broken people FAR more than He uses ones that have it all together, and has been quite literally THROWING opportunities at me to be His hands and feet to others. 

We are trees. This leads me back to the initial question: "Why?" Because we must be pruned and refined. Think about your favorite garden plant, tree, etc. How does it grow if there is ugly, dead, lifeless limbs attached to it? How do you get a plant healthy again? You break these pieces off. This is a painful process, but completely necessary in a life of a Christ follower. But there is reward. We will sparkle far more than gold. We will be filled with the most inexplicable joy. YOU MUST LET THE SAVIOR IN. 

I will bear my cross so long as I live. 

"I will lie burning; on Thy potter's wheel 

I will whirl patient, though my brain should reel.

Thy grace shall be enough the grief to quell,

And growing strength perfect through weakness dire." -- George MacDonald; "Diary of an Old Soul."

Exposed In Light

Twisted. Warped. Mangled. 

This is the way in which Satan has been manipulating my mind these past few weeks.

Why? Why does he attack my thoughts so? How do I get this parasite away? 

I've found the answer is simple. Bring my problems into the light. I am notorious for shielding what is going on in my life to myself, and not surfacing the problems. I try and snuff them out like a candlewick aflame, in hopes that they will extinguish and not be a lingering issue on my life...a perfect magnet for the Deceiver to begin his work. Satan wants you to feel alone. He wants you to feel isolated. He relishes in your pain. Talk about them! Get them out! Expose them! Break them apart. 

Christ set me free. All I have to do is resist the devil, and he will flee (James 4:7). Christ is my light; my shining beacon of beauty. He reveals all my impurities, and washes me white as freshly fallen winter snow. There is no room to keep these thoughts inside. He makes me new. These shadows that try and suppress these dark feelings inside are soon blasted into pieces by the true source of Light himself. Let him be your rock. Let him be your compass. He can bring about one of the most beautiful things in all your life: a quiet, pure heart (if only you let Him in). He can do amazing things, and make your heart pump clean, and new again. You need only be still (Exodus 14:14). 

Another thing I have been given a hard lesson in: let go, and let God. My plan is imperfect. My plan is stupid. My plan is naive. His plan is perfect. His plan is necessary. His plan must be my plan. 

I have to submit. When I yield, and let God in, I experience His true joy in my life. I will let him work. He is changing my life, and I will go through whatever amount of pain necessary to experience to be in my Lord's presence fully. In continuous prayer must I go. 

"Learning to pray is learning to trust the wisdom, the power, and the love of our Heavenly Father, always so far beyond our dreams. He knows our need and knows ways to meet it that have never entered our heads. Things we feel sure we need for happiness may often lead to our ruin. Things we think will ruin us..., if we believe what the Father tells us and surrender ourselves into His strong arms, bring us deliverance and joy." --Elizabeth Elliot. 

Much Love,

Molly 

Brokenness

"Brokenness has a way of allowing the supernatural into our lives in the same way that deep joy or great beauty do...brokenness doesn't automatically bring us to the thin place, or the sacred place where God's breath and touch are closer than our own skin. Heartbreak brings us to lots of places, to despair, to bitterness, to emptiness, to numbness, to isolation. But because God is just that good, if we allow the people who love us to walk with us right through the brokenness, it can also lead to a deep sense of God's presence. When things fall apart, the broken places allow all sorts of things to enter, and one of them is the presence of God." -- Shauna Niequist

Beautiful is the way in which God has been revealing himself to me. And that is out of my comfort zone. That is through my brokenness. This morning I heard a really, really good thing: God operates himself above our comfort level. This is definitely what I needed to hear. So often, I think of being a follower of Christ as being easy, being safe, and being "fluffy." NOT the case. Being a servant of Jesus means uncertainty, risks, and unpredictable predicaments. However, it also means inexplicable joy. Joy in which you cannot hope to attain any other way other than through the Giver of pure joy himself. Joy that shatters your heart. Joy that so overwhelms you that you feel you can hardly breathe you are so peaceful. This is what I seek. This is what I want. This is what He gives me.

I will be content. I won't give in to Satan's mysterious, sneaky nagging at my brain. Jesus already won, and I refuse to be sucked into darkness. Christ is my shining beacon of light. He is making me new, friends.

Beautiful is the way in which He displays his love to me. Beautiful is the way in which I see him, over and over again, when I least expect him. He is here, alright. He is here. He is crawling beneath my skin. He is flowing in my veins. He is filtering through my thoughts. He is ticking in my mind. He's got me. He's not going to let me drop.

"Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." -- Psalm 42: 11

Much Love,
Molly

Blessings In Disguise

Freaking...wow. My mind is blown today.

Today started off like your typical Wednesday. I have been continuing to have a super rough week, and nothing really has been comforting me all that much, to be honest. Tonight completely flipped my feelings towards a lot of struggles with suffering that I have been dealing with this week.

I had a really good coffee talk/bible study with a good friend of mine, Alex Lind. We first went over Psalm 46 (which is most excellent, if you've never tasted the sweet poetic books of Psalms). It is a short, but powerful psalm about the strength of God, the power of God, and the supreme majesty of God. David is describing this incredible war going on, and how all these nations are falling in chaos. With one rise of His voice, God "melts the earth." Hold on a second...MELTS THE EARTH? With his VOICE? Wow, powerful doesn't begin to cover this. So often, I breeze over scripture like this, because so much of it talks about God in this mighty way. But how often do I reflect on this? Not often enough, evidently. He is awesome.

Second was 46:10- "Be still, and know that I am God." So often...I'm am TRYING to fix things. TRYING to be patient. TRYING to be content. TRYING...TRYING...TRYING....

No, I must stop. Stop trying. Just be. BE patient. BE content. BE self controlled. God created everything I see in the Universe (and don't see for that matter). His plan is far more perfect than mine would/could ever be. What problem isn't big enough for Him? How big is my God? BIG. He's got my back, forever.

Then we studied Romans 7. Paul, a saint, a man who dedicated his entire life to serving Christ, struggled with sin. Just. Like. All. Of. Us. So encouraging to know that this man who is admired for his faith by millions struggled with stuff that we do too.

Thank you Lord for Alex. He is such an encouragement to me in my life!

Second, I got to talk a lot with my older brother Erik, who encouraged me a lot. I love that he pokes and nudges me, in a way. I tell him something that I want to do, or something that's been going on, and he asks me "why" all the time. Why? To test my emotions, and to make sure I am being wise in the way I make choices, and really seek the Lord, and not making a decision based on a whim, or an emotion I had. He, also, is an extraordinary young man. I don't take enough time out of my day to just be thankful. Thank you God, for blessing me with my brother. I look up to him in more ways than I can count.

In short...blessing and joy come through pain. Joy from which you cannot experience through any other way besides heartache. And for that...I give thanks. Suffering truly is beautiful, friends.

Much Love,
Molly

Heartache.

The Lord is present.
He is here, always.
Hebrews 13:8 - "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
He is not going to let me fall.

The Lord has recently been putting me through some extreme heartache. I won't lie and tell you it is easy. It is one of the most difficult things in the world, to learn the art of giving things up to God. Letting Him control every aspect of your life. But being a follower of Christ does not guarantee an easy path. Our path is narrow. Our path is rocky. Our path is dangerous. Our path is a risk. But there is light. Our path leads to peace. Our path leads to hope. Our path leads to unconditional love, the purest, most beautiful love one could ever experience.

Through all of this, I can see God's greater purpose, although I am terribly blinded at times. Trails are to refine us, and make us new creations. 1 Peter 1:7 says this: "These (trials) have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Beautiful things will be coming out of this. God has proven himself to me in many ways in which I cannot describe (not like He needs to...He is everywhere). I 100% put my control (or lack thereof) into your hands, Father. You make all things new. You are making me new. Show me how to love like you have loved a wretched thing like me. You make me new.

Give me child like faith. I want to know you more. 

Much Love,

Molly 

Comfort at a Coincidental Convenience

My heart has been going through some severe rough patches this past week. I just (and when I say just, I mean, I threw down everything when I walked in my door to write this) walked in my dorm room in Tucson. I stopped to check the mail on my way in, and I received not one....not two...but three different letters from three cherished people in my life. The first was from my good friend Jackie DeBellis, who sent me a birthday present and really nice card all the way from Charlotte, North Carolina. The second was a list of "19 Things I Love About You" from one of my best friends Corrie King. And the third...the third was a letter from my cousin Philip in Detroit. They all said really wonderful things, and gave me a great sense of encouragement. 

And the Lord was there. He is freaking with me all the time. I needed comfort, and when I thought I wasn't going to be cheered up at all today, He smacks me in the face with love. Jesus works in such mysterious ways. I love the way His love works. The funny thing is...THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. I'm whining, I'm crying, I'm pouting, I'm lonely, and so on, and God serves me a large portion of humility. He continuously shows me that He is here with me. I am not alone in anything I'm going through. 

God is a master in disguise, yet reveals himself in the most unexpected ways. I love you Father. 

The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. He has accepted God's estimate of his own life: In himself, nothing; In God, everything. He knows well that the world will never see him as God sees him and has stopped caring." --A.W. Tozer 

Much Love,

Molly

Friends & Good Company

Last night was all kinds of awesome. I spent some time hanging out with a great group of people at my friend Nick Kasparian's house with Tim Tuanaki, Michaela Roberts, Cydney Keller, Madison Sperling, Alec Pattin, Nick Zawisa, Brandon Blain, Kayla Johnson, Josh Orem, Holly Manahan, Alex Wood, and Natalie Baddour. We played a lot of really ridiculously funny games, and had quite the spontaneous Missy Elliot dance party while making smores. A perfect night if you ask me.

Why so perfect? These people are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Spending time doing nothing but loving each other, and having fun while doing it, is the absolute best. A verse reminds me of this: "Encourage one another, and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Paul talks continuously through this particular book about giving thanks, and reports of all these encouraging things he is seeing taking place.

This is what I see. I see my brothers and sisters pouring themselves out, and investing themselves in one another. I love that. I love to see Christ at work. And He IS at work, and that work will never be diminished.

I am definitely not always the best at encouraging people. In fact, often I cut them down instead. What does this to for me, besides make me look like a hypocrite? I should be doing everything in my power to be a light to people. This is a humbling concept. This, too, reminds me of a verse: "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ." -Philippians 1: 27. WHATEVER HAPPENS. No matter how I feel about a situation, I have to check myself. Who do I represent?

Be encouraged, friends! Find these friends that will keep you in check, that you can trust, that will hold you accountable, and that will speak truth into your life. I am so blessed.

Much Love,
Molly

The New & Exciting!

Well, hey friends. First time blogging here, and I'm not really sure as to why I had the desire to do this. I want to share my life with you. I want to experience things not just for my benefit, but because I feel that others can benefit from them as well. As you can see, my blog is entitled "Keeping a Quiet Heart." This is what I am striving to do, always. Be still before the Lord, be quiet, and listen to what He is telling me. It is a struggle. I will fight.

I want to share things I find beautiful, things I am thankful for, and just plain life with you! I hope you find my posts encouraging in some way/shape/form. I love to write, and am excited to start this strange new journey.

Today I had an excellent discussion with one of my best friends, Hailey McCourt. As we met on this beautiful, overcast day at a Starbucks, we began to discuss a book I lent her called "Crazy Love," by Francis Chan. As we delved into it's contents, we discussed just how much hope can be found in knowing that although we are not entitled to anything, or deserve anything, God is SO good, and gave us life. We live day to day encouraged, and knowing that through Christ, we have now found our purpose to exist. We exist to glorify our Creator. I'm so thankful for Hailey. She is such a light to me. So thankful for good friends. 


Tonight I am eager to spend some time seeing old friends. It is so cool how, even though I live in Tucson, I can come home to Phoenix and have constant friends, friends who don't give up on trying.

God has his mysterious, yet perfectly timed ways of making me feel loved. Through pain, He is glorified, always. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." -Exodus 14:14.

Much Love,
Molly